blackdog3130

Future President When I dressed Emerson up for this photo shoot - she looked at herself in the mirror and shouted "Obama!" because she was wearing a shirt and tie. It was pretty cool...especially since we were all so excited about the election.

81 Things You Didn't Know About Me Until You Read This:

1. What Color Is Your Toothbrush?
Blue and White...and it vibrates.

2. Name One Person That Made You Smile Today
Emerson -She saw $2.00 on my nightside table and said, "Eme got 16 bucks, go store get milk and pull ups!"

3, What Were You Doing At 8 Am This Morning?
Sitting in a staff meeting.

4. What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Collecting students and test booklets.

5. What Is Your Favorite Candy ?
Mini M&Ms

6. Have You Ever Been To A Strip Club?
Yes

7. What's the last thing you said out loud?
Number 7:
What is the expression shown?

8. What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor?
Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby

9. What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink?
Coffee

10. What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
24 hrs.

11. Have You Ever Made a Promise You'd Die to Keep?
No

13. The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
I can't even remember...that will tell you.

14. What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
Kettle Corn from the Powderhorn Art Fair

15. Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message to On Facebook?
Leah

16. Ever go camping?
Almost every weekend during the first summer with JoJo

17. Do You Take Vitamins Daily?
No - but I resolve to all the time.

18. Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?
No

21. Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
I don't drink soda.

22. What did your last text say?
"here" (dropping Eme off at her Momo's house)

24. Where Is Your Dad?
Mondovi, WI

25. Look To Your Left, What Do you see?
A pile of paperwork

26. What Color Is Your Watch?
Brown leather with aqua and orange embroidered flowers.

28. What did you do yesterday?
Went to work, picked up my daughter, made dinner, messed around trying to get my internet to work.

29. Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
Mostly drive through

30. What Is Your Favorite Number?
7

31. Who's The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?
Anna

32. Any Plans Today?
Work, pick up Eme from daycare, make dinner, play, read stories, put her in her bed, wash dishes and either read a book or write.

34. Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?
Having difficulty knowing which direction to go.

35. Last Song Listened To?
Amos Lee "In the Arms of a Woman"

36. Can You Say The Alphabet Backwards?
No

38. Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time?
winter/fall - black leather docs spring/summer - black leather sandals

39. Are You Jealous Of Anyone?
Yes.

40. Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
I don't think so

41. Do You Love Anyone?
Yes

43. What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
Teach Kindergarten and 1st grade on the east side of Saint Paul

44. Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?
No

45. Do You Use The Word 'hello' Daily?
Yes

46? <----
has an arrow pointing at it

47. Do You Like Cats?
Yes..especially other people's cats.

48. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
Yes

49. How Did You Get Your Worst Scar?
Skin cancer removed from wrist this winter...inch long scar....looks like I was very discouraged with life.

50. Last big talk?
With Anna after going out Saturday night - while eating Taco Bell in my car at 1:30 am

51. Last Cd Played?
Indigo Girls: Posiedon and the Bitter Bug

52. Last Bubble Bath?
Last week with Eme...Elmo bubble bath

54. Last Meal?
A toasted Thomas' honey wheat english muffin with butter, apricot jam, chicken deli meat and munster cheese...my breakfast every morning.

55. Have You Ever Dated Someone Twice?
Yes

57. Have You Ever Fallen In Love?
Yes

58. Have You Ever Lost Someone?
Yes,

59. Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm?
No...unless I was up all night and didn't get to bed until 6 am.

60. Have You Met A Famous Person?
Brendan Frasier

61. List Five People You Can Tell Pretty Much Anything To?
1. Anna
2. RoxAnn
3. JoJo
4. Jackie
5.Linda

62. List Three Favorite Colors/shades:
1. Orange
2. Red
3. Brown

63. Laughed Until You Cried?
Yes

64. Went Behind Your Parents Back?
Never really had to...I don't think they noticed :o)

65. Who Posted This Before You?
Leah

66. Opinion on Gay Marriage?
I think all marriages should become civil unions. Lets get the Christian dogma out of the union of 2 people - no matter who they are. There are so many people of different faiths that unite - let people choose to have their ceremonies wherever they like, but lets call them all the same. On a separate note - I'm really glad gay marriage wasn't legal when my partner and I had our ceremony. I would be paying her alimony.

67. Lowering The Drinking Age?
No

69. Who Are The Best Huggers That You Know?
My Aunt Diane and Eme

70. Do You Believe In Love At First Sight?
I don't know.

71. Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
Well - I come up with many things I would like to say...it depends on my mood.

73. Would You Kiss Someone On Your Top Friends?
I don't do that top friends thing.

74. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
I have one but would like to have 2 more.

75. Do You Want To Change Your Name?
No

76. Last Time You Saw Your Father?
Easter Sunday

77. What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
5:45

78. How Old Are You?
36

79. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night?
Sleeping

80. What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
My bed

81. Where is your best friend?
I don't think I have a best friend anymore...I think I have lots of good friends though.

It's time to move on...to give all of my decided upon ideals and visions of what my life was going to be like a nice aloha. It's time to be someone new...to discover the next phase.

I noticed something yesterday as I was lugging my lethargic butt up the stairs in my school building, thinking about how I haven't really done anything physical in the past month that I have been back to work from my maternity leave. Most children, up to the age of about 8, are really pretty physically fit and skinny little things - here's why - they RUN doing every little thing they do. I was watching in the hallways yesterday, and almost every child I saw DASHED from their classrooms to their lockers, from their lockers to the bathroom, from classroom to classroom - they all have such exuberance and this motivation in their movements - they just can't wait to get where they are going - no matter where it is. It kind of inspired me a little bit, thinking about new and exciting everything is to children...thinking about how I should work up some motivation and excitement of my own. I think I might start taking my 1/2hour for lunch and going for walks in the neighborhood with my headset - because it seems like I'm eating my lunch, which has not been all that healthy lately, and feeling tired and unmotivated and grumpy. I love Emerson - everything about her - I don't even mind getting up at 3 am to feed her, because I get to hold her and rock her and love her up - but I just don't have the time to do things that I used to do - walking Stanley (which I obviously can't do anymore anyway now), but it seems like I'm either feeding her, putting her down for a nap, driving to William Mitchell to either drop her off or pick her up, or doing her laundry, ALL THE TIME! So, I need to figure out how to take better care of myself while taking care of her too. This spring will be easier - I can put her in the snuggly and walk with her or in the stroller. The summer I will be gardening and chasing her little crawling self around - but now, I really need to figure out how to get some fresh air, and my butt moving.

We had to put Stanley to sleep. He bit JoJo's brother when he came to our house - that makes 4 people he had bitten. This is absolutely heartbreaking.

I have to say that I think putting a dog down is one of the hardest things to do. Our appointment was at 8:20 Saturday morning, and the hardest part was holding him down while the vet gave him the injection because he had to be muzzled, and he was a strong healthy dog- JoJo had to leave - she was just sobbing and she went and waited in the car - I think the farm girl in me kicked in though, because I held him until he was gone - telling him how much we loved him, kissing his cheek, thanking him for all of the GOOD times and memories and love. I'm glad I stayed - even though it was hard - because I know that he left this world cradled in love...and it truly did feel like he just went to sleep. I'm trying to imagine him lying in the sun, wherever he is. He loved to lay in the sun, even in 100 degree heat - he would lay in the yard, all hot and shiny and black. The house seems so quiet and empty - especially when Em is in her crib napping. I feel sorry for JoJo today, being home and feeling that emptiness. When we got home Saturday I spent 6 hours manically cleaning the kitchen, scrubbing the floor on my hands and knees - washing the kitchen cabinet doors and the fridge and the stove, crying. I think I always felt that I could never get the kitchen clean with Stanley - his hair was always all over everything - so it was cathartic to clean - but so sad too - I cried and cried while washing his slobber marks off of the windows. It seems like every little thing I do is for the last time....and I guess it is. We will get used to not having him, but it is going to take time. Maybe someday when Em is 3 or 4 we'll take her to pick out a puppy...if we can wait that long. It feels like it could take that long to get over this, but I know it will get better with time. We saved two of his favorite bones and in the spring we are going to go to the dog park by the river where he used to run and run (before something clicked in his brain and he started attacking other dogs) and we are going to throw his bones to the river. It seems fitting. I hope this gets easier soon. I'm so exhausted from crying and all of this loss.

This morning was absolutely crazy. JoJo is taking a 7-8:20 class at William Mitchell on Thursday mornings, which means that I need to have Emerson at WM in the van (yes, we have a mini van...how did this happen?) by 8:25 so that I can get to work by 9:00...when really, I'm technically supposed to be to work by 8:45. Today, to add to the drama and stress, I had an IEP meeting scheduled for 9:00 with about 12 scheduled attendees, including a Hmong interpreter, waiting for me in the conference room in the office. Usually when I am in charge of a meeting, I have the documents all laid out and am organized and definitely the first one there. Today I was running into the building at 8:55 with papers flying behind me, having forgotten the document on the printer at home that I was up working on until 10:30 last night. Emerson cried and screamed that kind of absolute, my whole body into the crying, phlemmy, tortured cry ALL THE WAY TO William Mitchell. It was not relaxing. Then, 8 of the team members for my meeting neglected to show up and so it wasn't truly a legal meeting anyway. A few minutes ago I was going to heat up my lunch and as I was opening the microwave door, I dropped my pasta face down on the floor behind my desk. So - now I'm starving and have had a really shitty morning. I need to turn it around somehow. At least it's snowing. I love the snow. Maybe I should just leave this god-forsaken school and get a Caribou for lunch. That's what I'll do. IT FEELS GOOD TO VENT!!!!

Well, exactly one year ago today JoJo was in the hospital and I drove to my fertility clinic where I would conceive our daughter - Emerson...who is now slumbering so peacefully in her nursery next door, with a full tummy and happy dreams about ceiling fans and her little digits and other amazing new things. It's crazy what a year can bring. I've decided to commit to writing in LiveJournal about Emerson and all of the amazingly incredible and tiring experiences she brings - so this is my official first entry in this very special year. Now I need to talk to Leah about uploading pictures of the little whipper-snapper.

It's 3:20am and I've been up since about 1:30-I can't sleep. I've tried all of the tricks - eating a bowl of Life Cereal while watching mindless television, reading, counting sheep, tensing up all the muscles in my body for as long as I can (might be similar to the whole orgasm thing - release)...actually, the only thing I haven't tried is having an orgasm - unfortunately JoJo is fast asleep and I'm not in the mood to take it upon myself. So now I'm sitting in our office, making a list of things to do this weekend - they include, getting a battery for my watch (which I haven't worn for about a year now - somehow I went from a staunch watch-wearer to a care-free non-watch user), buying paint for our living room and finding colors for the nursery and buying Aveda shampoo and conditioner, because after years of using Aveda's products, I just can't use the cheap stuff anymore....which is funny considering our pending financial situation.

The Baby - I'm so excited about the baby...and scared out of my mind. My mother did not do a stellar mothering job - hence the last year and a half in weekly psychoanalysis- it might be completely unavoidable, but I would hope that I could do a better job-that maybe my kid will have a good self-concept. I did the whole anti-depressants thing for years and realized that it was really just masking my problems, making the day to day tolerable, but not helping to change how I really feel - psychonanalysis has been good for that. Unfortunatley, I just found out that my insurance has not been paying my therapist her total amount due since the beginning of the year and now my weekly copay is going up by 20 bucks and I owe her close to $300.00 in back fees. I guess I'll have to stop going until we can catch up.

I like being pregnant - everything has been going so well (thanks for asking Schneet!)The only thing I miss is having a cocktail now and again, but I never have been a big drinker, so it's not really that big of a sacrifice. I'm really excited to start showing soon - I was telling Leah yesterday that I feel like people at work keep looking at my tummy, trying to see if I am showing...maybe wondering, is she really pregnant? It's kind of a weird place to be. I met my new OBGYN doc last week for the first time (before that I was going to a fertility doc) and she was really a cool lady. She probably sees 20 patients a day and listens to hundreds of fetal heartbeats, but when she listened to mine, she said, "150 beats per minute - absolutely beautiful!" all with this excitement in her voice. It's going to work out well. I think the biggest eye-opener for me so far has been the Body Worlds exhibit at the Science Museum. They have a plasticized 8 months pregnant woman with her fetus displayed, and embryos and fetuses from conception on. The 17 week fetus was this little...baby - this perfect little thing - and I happened to be 17 weeks pregnant when we went - and it was crazy to think that this little miniature 5 inch long baby really is living inside of me - it's just so incredible...I kept going back and looking at it. It does feel unreal - because I'm not feeling any movement yet and I'm not really showing (though I do have a considerable speed bump when lying flat). I'm fortunate because I haven't had any morning sickness to speak of - just a very strong aversion to hotdogs and their odors (which seems like a healthy thing really).

Anyway - I just yawned. Maybe I should go crawl back into bed and try it again. It's nearly 4 now - so I suppose I could get about three more hours sleep. At least tomorrow (today!) is Friday. Good night world-wide-web.

So - does anyone know of a way that I can make some good money quickly, without selling drugs or my body? We are really seriously financially fucked.

Yesterday I found out how much it's going to cost to have the baby be covered on my insurance policy - they will subtract $300.00 from each monthly paycheck - so we will have $600.00 less income monthly. JoJo is not going to be working (as she will be home taking care of the baby while I'm at work and she will be going to school at night. That is $1,200.00/ month we will not be making. So, basically, we have to figure out how to live on $2,000 less per month

What I'm wondering is, does anyone know how MA (Medical Assistance) works? Since technically JoJo and I are not married, and she's adopting the baby, she should be able to apply for MA and have the baby covered under her. But would they count my income? If we can't get married, or consolodate our college loans, or get each other's social security benefits, we are going to figure out how to screw the system, like we are getting screwed. I think I would even try and talk JoJo into applying for food stamps or WIC or whatever at this point. I'm pissed off. Although I guess if we did get food stamps I'd have to go to WI to buy food - I would be embarrassed...which is interesting.

Sorry to go on a rant - but I needed to vent. Our government is fucked.

I'm sitting here at Blue Moon Cafe with JoJo, taji0143, and schneenet. bigbluejoe was here, but he had to leave to go work at Starbucks. I've finally met the BFers - and they are a fine sort. taji0143 taught me how to make things linkable, which is fabulous - so now I'm practicing.

So I'm sitting here at my desk at work - I'm eating my lunch and listening to one of my Dar Williams CDs....and I'm sniffling and tear-ing up and oh - there it went - I'm crying into my turkeyburger and broccoli left-overs. I guess this is what you would call hormonal...but with good reason - because I'M PREGNANT!! I can't believe it - but the insemination that took place when JoJo was in the hospital - when it was so stressful, actually took! I should have started surfing the crimson wave last Wednesday, but when it didn't happen, I started becoming cautiously optimistic. By Thursday I was calling the clinic asking about when I should test. My nurse practitioner asked if I had taken a home test yet - I hadn't becuase I was concerned about a false positive with all of the hormones we've been shooting in my tummy. Anyway - I bought a test at the dreaded CVS (I know - but Target was closed and Walgreens too far away). We marched right upstairs and did the pee stick, set the EPT wand on the bathroom sink and left the room, closing the door behind us. We stood in the hallway, talking about what it would mean if we were pregnant and how it was going to be okay if we weren't and we would just keep trying. So about 3 minutes later, we held hands, entered the bathroom - and in the little digital screen was the word pregnant. The whole word - in little digital print. We both screamed - I sat down on the toilet, shaking and Jo Jo was on her knees in the hallway - it was crazy and exciting and completely incredible. The next morning I did a blood test and the results were confirmed. It's really interesting how your outlook on things changes - and I'm only 4 weeks along. I've basically given up cafienated coffee, reduced my chocolate intake and am focusing on drinking tons of water - and it isn't that hard - I guess becuase it's for someone other than myself.

The reason I was getting all verclempt is the lyrics to this song - it's such an incredibly beautiful way to look at raising children and motherhood.


The One Who Knows

Time it was I had a dream
And you're the dream come true
And if I had the world to give
I'd give it all to you.
I'll take you to the mountains
I will take you to the sea
I'll show you how this life became
A miracle to me.

You'll fly away
but take my hand until that day
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done, you'll be the one who knows.

All the things you treasure most
Will be the hardest one
I will watch you struggle on
For the answers come
But I won't make it harder
I'll be there to cheer you up
I'll shine the light that guides you down
The road you're walking on

You'll fly away
but take my hand until that day
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done, you'll be the one who knows.

Before the mountains call to you
Before you leave this home
When I teach your heart to trust
As I will teach my own
But sometimes I will ask the moon
Where it shined upon you last
And shake my head and laugh and say
It all went by so fast

You'll fly away
but take my hand until that day
So when they ask how far love goes
When my job's done, you'll be the one who knows.


Yes...kind of syrupy - but absolutely lovely at the same time.

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday last week and also thanks for the nudge - who knew you could get nudged :o) - it was heart warming.

We came home from the hospital last night. Both of us fell asleep on the couch at 7 pm, I woke up at 10pm and then I got us up stairs, where we slept until 8 this morning. JoJo is not feeling better. She is dizzy and feels pain in her sides and feels really disheartened and depressed. She has slept for about 6 hours today. She's contacted her law professors, but still feels sheepish about not studying - although it would be impossible for her to study in the shape she is in. Her internal medicine Doc. wrote her a note that she should not return to work for a week - and class as she is strong enough to attend.

Thanks to everyone who has written, called and visited us in the past four days. We know that things could be much worse - we keep reminding ourselves of that - but it's really hard to believe 5 days ago everything was normal-JoJo was not 5 different medicines that she's juggling throughout the day. Today she said she felt like an old person. I'm kind of feeling old myself.

So...JoJo had her colonoscopy yesterday - which was just as lovely as she thought it was going to be. It turns out that the Dr. that did it said that she has "a beautiful colon"...which is great and really annoying at the same time. They don't know what's wrong with her. Her hemoglobin, after 4 blood transfusions is still declining. They have done the two tests that would rule out any big problems in the parts of her colon and upper GI tract that they can see. So now, we are waiting until her next hemoglobin test - and if it is stable at 9.5 or above, they will send her home. This just makes me so nervous. Maybe I need to quit my job so I can chauffer her around so that she doesn't pass out behind the wheel next time. So we will see what they say this afternoon after her next battery of tests. At least she was able to eat something yesterday after her test was over - she went 40 hours with no food - and 10 hours without being able to drink any water except the "Go Lytely" crap, which turned into it's own nightmare. I went to the Birchwood and picked up a turkey burger for her (best in town), an oatmeal rasin cookie and a piece of key lime pie (her favorite). She was in heaven.

I have to say - I am really going to appreciate sleeping in my own bed. This crazy chair/bed thing is just not working for this 32 year old body. I actually feel old - I remember the days when I could sleep on a loveseat in the student union at the U with nothing but a balled up sweatshirt tucked under my head - and here I am, with an achey back - hours after getting up. Crazy.

My two impulses right now are to take JoJo in my arms and hold her and to put my hands around her neck to strangle her. SO CRABBY! I can't do anything right - and I'm really trying to be understanding with her. She has lost hemoglobin again and is getting two more blood transfusions over night. I HOPE HOPE HOPE they are able to find something this afternoon in her lower GI track. I feel so badly for her - all of this bathrooming all night and discomfort - all on an empty stomach - (and she gets crabby when she's hungry on any usual day).

On the other hand, the Wailin' Jennys were absolutely fantastic. Each one of them had an angelic voice - any one of them could hold their own solo - and together they made this other worldly harmony. It was really beautiful. They have another CD coming out in a few months - I'll be excited to buy it. Thanks Leah (and Angie...another possible recruit to live journal) for attending the show with me. It was great to experience some normalcy and have some laughs for a few hours. You're both great.

The endoscopy came and went and the Gastroenteralogist found nothing. So now, JoJo has to have a colonoscopy tomorrow in the afternoon. She has to drink a gallon of this stuff called "Go Lightly" which I guess is a very intense tasting liquid which will make her go anything but "lightly." Another night in the hospital on clear liquids - bed to bathroom bed to bathroom. Lovely. Hopefully the test tomorrow will show something - or this is all going to have been a frustrating experience and I'll be worried about the next time she's going to pass out cold and we still won't know why. She will be on a heart medication until the summertime when she can go off of it and see how her body reacts. I guess if you want to have a heart problem, this is the one you want - so that's some good news.

I'm feeling guilty, but am going to attend The Wailin' Jennys concert tonight. It WILL be nice to get out of the hospital for a while - but in the mean time, JoJo will be having a shitty time (pun intended). Okay, enough with the poopy humor.

It's way too early in the morning...or late at night, depending. We're here at the hospital - JoJo's doing okay, but already complaining of hunger and she was only directed to stop eating at midnight. It's amazing how our minds work - just say we can't have something and see what happens. Although I shouldn't say anything, as I'm sitting here eating a homemade peanut butter cookie. Her endoscopy isn't until 2:15 this afternoon, so it will be a long day. I've been trying to sleep on this pull out chair thingy that has a seemingly cool, contemporary and comfortable design, but actually feels like some kind of mild instrument of torture. Someone, undoubtedly, made a lot of money to engineer this crazy thing. Good thing I can spend some time journalling here and watching HGTV...although I have to say, there's some crazy rich guy on right now who is removing all of the clay soil beneath where he is going to build his home and replacing it with thousands of tons of some other soil so his foundation doesn't crumble. Sometimes you have to wonder - what are people thinking? Maybe that means that there just shouldn't be a house built there.

So my second insemination is this morning at 8:00 am - now that I'm thinking about it - I'm sure some people would apply my earlier sentiment to our current dilemma - if you have to buy sperm, maybe the lesbians shouldn't have babies...but that's bullshit. I can't wait to see JoJo as a MoMo (it sounds funny, but that is going to be her mommy moniker). The other day we were walking through the Wedge and a little girl in her mom's cart, probably 2 years old, pointed at JoJo and said, "Da Da...mommy - Da Da" it was really cute - and confirms how much of a gender bender JoJo is - either that or the little one has a lesbian daddy too. In true Wedge fashion, the mom just smiled, shrugged her shoulders and winked at us. I love the city sometimes - especially the places where open minded, liberal and intelligent people meet...even if it's a Co op.

Well..... I could be pregnant. How weird. This time the sperm has been to medical school, plays guitar, enjoys running and looks like a young George Cloony. The first time the sperm had graduated with an MBA from an Ivy League school, was an artist and was Jewish. We'll see - hopefully George Cloony has better swimmers.

I'm back at the hospital - JoJo's been fortunate to have had many visitors the past few hours - friends and family calling on her to see how she is. The good news is that, after having an EKG the cardiologist found that the heart problem is a birth defect that she has always had - something about when she was a little baby fetus some cells misaligned themselves in the wrong chamber of her heart. The Dr. said she could choose to take medication or do a surgical procedure and fix it - either way it will be managable - what a relief. Now tomorrow she will have to have an endoscopy (scope down her esophogus to her tummy) and if they find nothing, a colonoscopy (scope up her butt) - so things are really exciting for her right now - lots of anticipation for tomorrow.

I'm really touched by how you BF'ers (BFC'ers) (BFG'ers?) would reach out to someone you don't even know. Leah's lucky to have such fabulous friends. I hope to meet you at some FatFridayFunction.

Leah - thanks for covering for me tomorrow night at ALC - you rock. I'll make it up to you some week - I promise. Please tell the kids I miss them because a few asked if I would be teaching again on Thursday - don't want them to think I'm a BFL (BigFatLiar).

So, here I am sitting in the cardiology unit at Abbot Northwestern Hospital. There's a medical student here in the room, taking down JoJo's health history. This morning I woke up to a loud thunk on our hardwood floor in the bedroom, only to find JoJo flat on her back - passed out. She was up at her usual 4 am to study - was feeling weak and dizzy after a bite of her Eggo Waffle, so she made it back up the stairs, hoping she would be able to lay back down in bed and it would pass. She didn't make it further than the doorway, where she promptly fainted.

We got dressed and made it to the emergency room by 5am, where the doctor informed her that she most likely has a bleeding ulcer. She was admitted to the hospital and has been in the cardiology unit for several hours now, receiving blood transfusions. While here, her heart raced for 2 minutes at over 215 beats per minute, so now they are looking at the possiblity that she might have a heart problem. This is crazy. EKG's and oxygen and blood transfusions and talk of managing a heart problem - all when yesterday, she ran two miles on the treadmill and seemed healthy as a horse. The fragility of things! The nurse said not to worry, because JoJo is younger and generally healthy.

This afternoon we have an insemination planned for 4:30 pm - and she is most upset that I will have to go and do it alone. I told her that if I do end up getting pregnant, that it would be an interesting story to tell the kid someday.

I can't believe how nice this wing of the hospital is - it reminds me of The Graves Hotel in downtown Minneapolis - all of this blonde wood and modern detail in the architecture - not to mention the beautiful hardwood floors in the room and the highspeed internet access. There's even a little desk set up for me here with a place to plug it in.

The cardiologist just arrived - I'll write more later.

I think JoJo is concerned that I'm being sucked into an online cult of sorts. We're at Blue Moon, our favorite cafe - she's studying the law and I was doing some messing around with oil pastels. I would love to be able to make a living making art out of found things - taking old coffee tables and chairs needing reapolstered seats, paint them and make them something special and then put them back out there - maybe quote some great poetry that would make its way up the leg of the chair or something. Bright colors - inspirational stuff. Leah told me that her aunt does this and has made a good business - I'm going to start working on this idea this summer, if I'm not preggers (because I don't think paint fumes would do the baby right). I'm really tired of working 40 + hour weeks - and I know - it's called a full time job. It seems like whoever came up with a 5 day work week with a 2 day break, really must have loved their job. I guess it was God - right - rest on the Sabbath or something?