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Reinvent Your Self-Image Lesson #2

If you could look your best, what would you look like? What would your hair look like? What kinds of clothes would you wear? How about your makeup (if you're someone who wears makeup)? Your posture? Your vibration, your vitality? Let's just say it's a new you. What does this new you look like? Is there a person in the media or someone you admire that you'd like to look like? Why?

If you could be at your best vibration, what would that vibe be? What would people say about you? Would you be energetic, imaginative, funny, fun, vibrant? Or quiet, wise, noble, gracious?

If you could be living your best life, what would your days be like? What would the people in your life be like? Would you keep your old friends? If so, who? Would you make new friends? What would they be like? Would you associate with your family, or try to distance yourself a bit? Would you move away? If so, where would you move to? What are the qualities of your new life? How do you FEEL most days?

We can be aware when we are using our five senses IN THE MOMENT...
Add awareness to weeding out the refrigerator, folding laundry, or talking to a difficult boss or family member, for example, and three significant things happen that can change your life forever:

  1. You've effectively lightened your load with less effort (even if it's not immediately apparent in the moment);

  2. You've created a powerful ripple effect that makes weeding, folding, or talking to a difficult human easier the next time;

  3. You've helped stop the cycle of fear, resistance, and attachment that gives rise to all the stress and stuff you've been carting around - for good!

Awareness Changes Everything

Aware - adjective ə-ˈwer

  • Knowing that something (such as a situation, condition, or problem) exists

  • Feeling, experiencing, or noticing something (such as a sound, sensation, or emotion)

  • Knowing and understanding a lot about what is happening in the world or around you

-Merriam Webster's Dictionary

Awareness Changes Everything...
Thoughts ~  if you don't know that you are doing a lot of negative self-talk, you grow to think that it's just who you are - that you are a depressed person that can't manage to do anything right.  It's such a sad paradigm and makes me think about my mom and dad.  My mom is so mired in self-loathing. She has to "act" to make herself appear likeable because she has no true self-worth.  She raised me to hate myself as well - likely because it is her ONLY view of the world - you are damaged, you are fat, you need to change to be worthwhile.  You would be beautiful if you could only... you would be successful if you would only....the main lesson - you are not ok, you are not valuable as you are, you are not whole, you are not loveable.

So much more - there is so much more to this...dig deeper.


It is Thursday.  I have been consistently rising early, ascending the little stair case to my office, sitting in front of my sun lamp and focusing on clearning my heart, mind and space for 5 days.  It doesn't sound like much, but as far as resolutions go, this is a pretty big deal for me.  I have also been dancing to Michael Jackson on the Wii for about 20 minutes after each of these sessions.  I do believe that I am reaping the benefits.  I have had more energy during the day, have had a more positive frame of mind and have not found myself so mired in the details which overwhelm me at work and at home. 

What is beginning to bubble up as you contemplate a yearlong journey of clearing?  It's interesting to me that when I feel rushed and like there is not enough time, I end up spending more time and not getting things done - but when I relax my mind and tell myself that I really do have enough time to do things, it seems like there is an abundance of it and I get even more accomplished. 

Have you been aware of any revealing dreams, shifts, synchronicities, or ah-has since you signed up for this course?  Energy begets energy.

4 Pathways to Clearing

There are 4 parts of clearing both my mind and my home.

Intention - deciding how I want to look at a task or idea

Action - putting my intention to work - the doing

Non-Identification - stepping outside of myself to look at something as an observer

Compassion - not judging what I see in the non-identification as "bad"

So what is one simple task you can adopt that incorporates the four pathways?

Somthing that I would like to change as far as "clearing" is my bedside table drawer.  I find that I am annoyed by it when it is disorganized and I visit this area several times per day which often leaves me feeling kind of slovenly.  If I create an intention surrounding the space and decide how I want it to work, then slowly, daily work to make it look that way - taking action to put the objects back in the same place each time they are taken out and to not add anything to the drawer that doesn't belong there it will eventually look the way I want it to.  If I use non-identification, I can look at the mess and determine what I REALLY need or use in the drawer and more easily get rid of things I don't use.  With compassion I can do this without judging myself - making it a gentle process. 

New You

Behind all the padding is a very rich and spacious being, a new self that is juicy and whole, grounded and present. This self can be innocent and curious like a child, deeply happy like a dog on a walk in the woods, giddy like an explorer who has found hidden treasure, or content and complete like a grandma sitting in her rocking chair recounting stories of her remarkable life. This self lives in awe and wonder. To this self, everything looks and feels new, and fresh, sparkly and amazing - and clear!

What does your "new you" look and feel like?
My "new you" is light, classic and together.  Natural, simple, clean lines.  Linnen chinos, white cotton, blue keds in summer, courduroy skirts, soft knits and leather boots in winter.  Summer is shorts, sleevless tops, with sandals or cotton shifts.  Clear skinned, bright eyed and smiling.  I feel content and energized ~ capable.  I know what is important to me and do not wish week days away hoping for Friday.  I am able to focus on what I need to take care of in the moment and do what I need to - I am effective.

More on this.  Visualization is so important.

What is Clutter?

When you feel overwhelmed, your Amigdala, the ancient part of your brain that controls "flight or fight" is turned on.  It is like a motion sensor light - it stays on when it is triggered (by emotions, fear, negative memories or self-talk).  It turns off when it is no longer activated.  Ways that we can keep the sensor turned off is to :

1) Slow down/simplify
2)Focus on tasks that do no set off the alarm bells
3)Consistently implement - practice daily

If we use a reduce and repeat awareness, by doing a little bit every day in a calm manner that does not set us off, it can be a life changing experience.  We can experience "The Life Changing Magic of One Minute."  Practicing small, each day, creates new neural pathways and opens us up to a happiness and hopefullness that can impact many other areas of our lives. 

After doing the closed-eye exercise I noticed that the places in my home that felt overwhelming to me were in my bedroom closets.  I have so many sizes of clothing that I'm afraid to get rid of because my weight fluctuates so much that I am afraid to give them away.
Surprising ways that clutter shows up in my life are in my mind.  It never occurred to me that I should really focus on "clearing my mind" in a real way - it all seems so jargoned...but it's true that I go shopping to decompress - even if it is just to look at things that I might buy someday - or to see if there is something that I might like - this is an escape from my reality.  I HAVE learned that buying things doesn't change how I feel about myself in the long run and have definitely changed my habits to reflect this, but there is still some escape in even window shopping.  The same with eating - grabbing a hand full of something "unconsciously" is a mini-escape from whatever my reality is in that moment.  I need to learn to be in my life without "escaping"...I need to learn how to make my life one that I have no desire to escape from.

Daily OM

It's been awhile.  It's been 9 years.  Hello Livejournal.

Daily OM... a course on A Year to Clear What is Holding You Back.  I've decided to make this my notebook since, although I do love the idea of hand writing a beautiful journal, it isn't likely to happen.

Day 3 - Shedding Layers by Shedding Light

  • How I hope to feel as a result of clearing what no longer serves and supports me is - lighter - more joyful and more able to live in the present moment - finding joy in the small things, being less frightened.

  • What I hope to let go of is my self-dislike, "shoulding" on myself, my feelings of inadequacy, I need to forgive JoJo - I need to let the past go.

  • What I hope to attract is more happiness, more happy people, more light and love.  Perhaps a person that I can really connect with and have a "grown up" relationship with.  I want to rejoice in a healthy body, treat it as a temple, experience life as a whole being.  Love with all of my heart - not hold back.  I want to find my life purpose and live out my days on this earth feeling like I belong here.

These are the topics from the list that I was drawn to:
Teach me old woods
The human energy field
Forgiveness frees
Choose yourself
You are enough
Like attracts like
Show up
Let the past drift away
Honor your hands
Shine your light brightly
There is no separation
Amazing in the ordinary
Hurt people, hurt people
Letting in the light
Change the paradigm of self-neglect
Depressed or deep-rest

Little Politico

Future President Future President
When I dressed Emerson up for this photo shoot - she looked at herself in the mirror and shouted "Obama!" because she was wearing a shirt and tie. It was pretty cool...especially since we were all so excited about the election.

81 Things...

81 Things You Didn't Know About Me Until You Read This:

1. What Color Is Your Toothbrush?
Blue and White...and it vibrates.

2. Name One Person That Made You Smile Today
Emerson -She saw $2.00 on my nightside table and said, "Eme got 16 bucks, go store get milk and pull ups!"

3, What Were You Doing At 8 Am This Morning?
Sitting in a staff meeting.

4. What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Collecting students and test booklets.

5. What Is Your Favorite Candy ?
Mini M&Ms

6. Have You Ever Been To A Strip Club?

7. What's the last thing you said out loud?
Number 7:
What is the expression shown?

8. What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor?
Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby

9. What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink?

10. What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
24 hrs.

11. Have You Ever Made a Promise You'd Die to Keep?

13. The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
I can't even remember...that will tell you.

14. What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
Kettle Corn from the Powderhorn Art Fair

15. Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message to On Facebook?

16. Ever go camping?
Almost every weekend during the first summer with JoJo

17. Do You Take Vitamins Daily?
No - but I resolve to all the time.

18. Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?

21. Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
I don't drink soda.

22. What did your last text say?
"here" (dropping Eme off at her Momo's house)

24. Where Is Your Dad?
Mondovi, WI

25. Look To Your Left, What Do you see?
A pile of paperwork

26. What Color Is Your Watch?
Brown leather with aqua and orange embroidered flowers.

28. What did you do yesterday?
Went to work, picked up my daughter, made dinner, messed around trying to get my internet to work.

29. Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
Mostly drive through

30. What Is Your Favorite Number?

31. Who's The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?

32. Any Plans Today?
Work, pick up Eme from daycare, make dinner, play, read stories, put her in her bed, wash dishes and either read a book or write.

34. Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?
Having difficulty knowing which direction to go.

35. Last Song Listened To?
Amos Lee "In the Arms of a Woman"

36. Can You Say The Alphabet Backwards?

38. Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time?
winter/fall - black leather docs spring/summer - black leather sandals

39. Are You Jealous Of Anyone?

40. Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
I don't think so

41. Do You Love Anyone?

43. What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
Teach Kindergarten and 1st grade on the east side of Saint Paul

44. Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?

45. Do You Use The Word 'hello' Daily?

46? <----
has an arrow pointing at it

47. Do You Like Cats?
Yes..especially other people's cats.

48. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?

49. How Did You Get Your Worst Scar?
Skin cancer removed from wrist this winter...inch long scar....looks like I was very discouraged with life.

50. Last big talk?
With Anna after going out Saturday night - while eating Taco Bell in my car at 1:30 am

51. Last Cd Played?
Indigo Girls: Posiedon and the Bitter Bug

52. Last Bubble Bath?
Last week with Eme...Elmo bubble bath

54. Last Meal?
A toasted Thomas' honey wheat english muffin with butter, apricot jam, chicken deli meat and munster cheese...my breakfast every morning.

55. Have You Ever Dated Someone Twice?

57. Have You Ever Fallen In Love?

58. Have You Ever Lost Someone?

59. Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm?
No...unless I was up all night and didn't get to bed until 6 am.

60. Have You Met A Famous Person?
Brendan Frasier

61. List Five People You Can Tell Pretty Much Anything To?
1. Anna
2. RoxAnn
3. JoJo
4. Jackie

62. List Three Favorite Colors/shades:
1. Orange
2. Red
3. Brown

63. Laughed Until You Cried?

64. Went Behind Your Parents Back?
Never really had to...I don't think they noticed :o)

65. Who Posted This Before You?

66. Opinion on Gay Marriage?
I think all marriages should become civil unions. Lets get the Christian dogma out of the union of 2 people - no matter who they are. There are so many people of different faiths that unite - let people choose to have their ceremonies wherever they like, but lets call them all the same. On a separate note - I'm really glad gay marriage wasn't legal when my partner and I had our ceremony. I would be paying her alimony.

67. Lowering The Drinking Age?

69. Who Are The Best Huggers That You Know?
My Aunt Diane and Eme

70. Do You Believe In Love At First Sight?
I don't know.

71. Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
Well - I come up with many things I would like to say...it depends on my mood.

73. Would You Kiss Someone On Your Top Friends?
I don't do that top friends thing.

74. How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
I have one but would like to have 2 more.

75. Do You Want To Change Your Name?

76. Last Time You Saw Your Father?
Easter Sunday

77. What Time Did You Wake Up Today?

78. How Old Are You?

79. What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night?

80. What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
My bed

81. Where is your best friend?
I don't think I have a best friend anymore...I think I have lots of good friends though.